Archive for May, 2012

It’s Him….our adoption story

By Henry Amador

I can still, so vividly, remember the day I received the photo..

It came via text messaging which I quickly turned around and emailed myself in order get a larger look.

 

I opened the image and looked with a mixture of amazement, fear and disbelief.

A few moments later I finally shared it with my Husband.

Look what she sent me, i said..

It’s him..

 

Ben 5 months old

 

We both spent a few silent moments gazing at the image.

You see we had not even met the woman on the other end of the text,

I had only exchanged a few polite messages with her up until that point.

 

How did we come to receive this photo?

An acquaintance of ours was related to this young woman.

 

She knew we had been trying to grow our family, 

and she also knew her sister had not wanted to grow hers.

 

Rather than play the middle man she asked her sister if she could give us her number,

to which she agreed.

 

sat with that number for nearly a full day.

You would have thought I would have jumped on it but I didn’t, I sat.

 

What would I say to her?

 

I heard you wanted to give up your baby?

 

What a tiny approach to such a giant thought.

 

Do I bring up the fact that we were two married men now?

What if that crushes our hopes?

What if that idea was unacceptable to her?

 

I was so consumed by all the questions that I just sat there frozen and fearful.

 

Two adjectives that I would have never used to describe myself before that day,

But this situation, this opportunity, had the potential of shaking all the leaves from my tree.

If it worked out, my life, our lives would never be the same.

And it was that very truth that turned me into a scared and still man..

 

I eventually mustered up the cowardly nerve to text her..

I introduced myself..

took a shot at a sincere attempt at understanding how incredibly difficult this decision must be for her.

And thanked her for considering us.
She responded quickly and after a few exchanges asked when we’d like to get together.

Thank God the ice was broken.
I suddenly felt safe behind my phone and asked if it could be soon.
It had dawned on me that if this was going to happen we would have to be proactive and quick.

I already knew she had tried to abort this child…she was too far along.


I also knew she had already reached out to an adoption agency.


If we were going to have a chance at convincing her that we would be the perfect family for her unborn baby we would have very little time to waste.

We agreed to meet at a coffee house the next afternoon.

Would you like to see a picture of him she texted next,
A recent sonogram photo,

I said yes.


*      *      *      *      *      *      *      *      *      *      *      *      *      *      *      *      * 

And there we were, my Husband and I looking at this little forming stranger who suddenly entered our lives like a cold rush of air though a crack in a window.

In the privacy of our own home, 
without having yet met the woman carrying him,
we were lookin at his photo..

I asked my Husband how he felt?
he was thoughtful and rather quiet and said he wasn’t sure.
I remember I actually said,
what if this is the first time were looking at our son?
What is this is the first of our one million photos of him?

Shouldn’t we be excited?
Happy?
Should we tell anybody?
Should we forward this picture to your mother? 
What if she’s going to be a Grandmother?

But truthfully we weren’t happy, we were too afraid to let happiness in.
And we didn’t share the news,
as a matter of fact there were many people who knew nothing until the day that we brought that 5 pound baby boy home from the hospital.

So many variables with scenarios like this,
so many what ifs between the moment the possibility shows itself,
and the lofty, far away idea of he actually being ours.

What if we can’t afford it?
What if she doesn’t like us?
What if she changes her mind?
What if, God forbid, something happens to the baby?

What if.. what if.. what if..?

We were so lost in the uncertainties that we lost sight of the dream, our dream.

On that now amazing day,
we were indeed looking into our babies face for the very first time.

He soon would be ours..he is ours..

And out of all the millions of pictures we already have in his short 4 months here on Earth,
This first photo,
our first photo will always mean more than you could possibly understand.

Namaste

This is an entry from Henry Amador’s blog DADsquared (http://www.dadsquaredblog.blogspot.com). In addition to blogging Henry is also the owner of Salon Mantra in Fort Lauderdale, Florida.

 

 

Same-sex Snogging Parent Blogging

Welcome to Gay Parent mag’s first blog entry. Read our blog for reviews, news, views and a behind the scenes look at Gay Parent magazine (GPM). We also plan to keep you entertained and informed with our guest bloggers. A couple of items we want to mention, first, our current May-June issue features a cover story on actor, entertainer and new dad, Alec Mapa. Alec starred in the TV show Ugly Betty and was a guest host on The View.

Last summer when she was living in Hawaii, GPM assistant editor Flavia Francesquini first interviewed Alec for the local LGBT magazine eXpressions! while he was there for promotional purposes. So when Flavia interviewed Alec again for GPM this February when he was performing his show Baby Daddy in New York City, he looked at her and said, “What are you doing here?” In our May-June 2012 issue #82, Alec chats with Flavia about his life as an adoptive dad and how that experience inspired him to create his new act. Alec’s new one-man show Baby Daddy is such a big hit, he returned to New York City for an encore performance July 19 – 22, 2012 at the Laurie Beechman Theatre.

Angeline Acain, Alec Mapa and Flavia Francesquini

Angeline Acain, Alec Mapa and Flavia Francesquini at performance of Baby Daddy, NYC, February 2012

In April, Flavia, my partner Susan and I traveled to the Stress Factory in New Brunswick, New Jersey and enjoyed an evening performance of comedian and lesbian mom, Judy Gold. I laughed so hard I had to use my dinner napkin to blot the tears from my eyes. After Judy’s first set Flavia interviewed her for GPM. Unfortunately I had a brain malfunction and could not get my camera to work for a photo opportunity with Judy. Fortunately Judy’s publicity person sent us a great photo that is on the cover of Gay Parent magazine-New York 2012-2013. In this issue read about Judy’s life as she co-parents with her ex their two boys, one a teenager. Look for a second article of Judy by Flavia in our upcoming July-August issue, as according to her publicist, Judy will be on a national tour soon so we’ll try to include information on her upcoming shows. If she performs in your area, I highly recommend buying tickets to her show.

This May the First International Family Equality Day was held on May 6, 2012. International Family Equality Day brings together LGBT families and their children from across North America and Europe for the first time to celebrate the millions of families with parents who are LGBT. Part of the festivities included a group photo shoot in New York’s Times Square followed by a news conference and family dance at NYC’s LGBT Community Center. View photos on our web site by clicking here. Additional events were held Sunday in Los Angeles, Minneapolis, New Hampshire, Canada, South Africa, Finland, Germany and Switzerland. The organizers, Family Equality Council, R Family Cruises, New York City LGBT Community Center and a host of LGBT family organizations from other countries plan to schedule the event every May but a specific day/time in the month has not yet been decided. Check back with GPM’s blog for more photos and videos documenting the First International Family Equality Day.

In closing if you’re wondering about the word “snogging,” I went through a British phase recently, reading works by the author Sarah Waters and watching movies based on her books. Ladies you will enjoy Fingersmith and Tipping the Velvet, the latter features 19th century lesbian parenting. I was also hoping that this blog debuted on Valentine’s Day – hence the snogging – but as it turns out it will be in time for Father’s Day. Stay tuned for Gay Parent magazine’s next blog installment, we’ll announce them through GPM’s Facebook page, Twitter feeds and monthly e-newsletter. Sign up for our e-newsletter through our mailing list and get the scoop on GPM.

– Angeline Acain, publisher & editor

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